
Class ZlJXi4i_ 



'X\ 



SCHOOL AND SOCIAL DRAMA, 



'-^ct -^TT-ell 37-o"ar part." 



;ANSAS IMMKIUHTS. 



f. ^. p£N130N. 



FK,iGE 15 c;:EiJsrrru 



CHICAGO:' 

T. S. DENISON. 



NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



FOR SCHOOLS AND AMATEURS. 



080.; 



Price, 15 Cents Each, Postag^e Paid. 



These plays have heeu prepared expressly to meet the wants of teachers 
and amateur clubs by teachers of extended experience in the school room 
and in the presentation of amateur plays. They are simple in construction, 
and require no scenery, or only such as is usually at hand. They aflord ample 
opportunity for "acting." Tliey are pure in tone and language. 

The " School and Social Drama" series are no longer on trial. Their 
succbSH is assured. The testimonials given with each play express the 
opinions of those who have used the play and know whereof they speak. 

" If tlie succeeding numbers are as good as the first, we predict for them 
a lar^e demand." — National Teachers'' Monthly, N. Y. and Chicago. 

''The farces are full of fnu.^''— Daily Inter-Ocean, Chicago. 

"These phiys are su])plying the dearth of good literature in this depart- 
ment."— iV. Y. School /Jiilletin. 

"We do not l^nowof twelve dramas in the language (twelve sent for re- 
view) better adapted to teach good lessons and at the same time furnish 
amusement to the young." — New England Jour. Education. 
OnnS WITH THE ENEMT. 

A drama in five acts; 7 male and 4 female characters. Time, 1 hour, 
45 m. Contains a good humorous negro character. 

" It took splendidly. 'Tabbs' made it spicy."— C- E. Rogers, Dunkirk, 
Ind. 

SETH GREENBACK. 
A drama in four acts ; 7 male and 3 female. Time, 1 hour 15 m. Contains 
a good comic Irish character. 

" Seth Greenback was a perfect success. It can't be beat as an amateur 
drama." — Will H. Talbott, Coatsville, Ind., Dramatic Club. 
WANTED, A CORRESPONDENT. 
A farce in two acts, 4 male and 4 female. Time, 45 m. Very interesting 
and amusing. 

INITIATING A GRANGER. 
A ludicrous farce; 8 male. Time, 35 m. 

" We used Initiating a Granger. It was laughable beyond description." — 
J. W. Simmons, Lawrence, Mich. 

THE SPARKLING CUP. 
A temperance drama in five acts; 12 male and 4 female. Time, 1 hour, 45 
m. A thrilling play, worthy the best efforts of amateurs. Pathetic song and 
death scene. 

" The Sparkling Cup met with great success. It is the great rival of Ten 
Nights in a Bar Koom."— TF. F. Kuhn, Be Graff, O. 
A FAMILY STRIKE. 
A spicy farce, illustrating " strikes ;" 3 male and 3 female. Time 20 m. 

TWO GHOSTS IN WHITE. 
A humorous farce based on boarding-school life; 7 female characters. 
Time, 35 m. Very funny throughout, and contains some excellent hits. 



Ti lilSAS IIIIGMSTS; 



OR, THE GREAT EXODUS 



-^ T^-ji^TiaiE:. 



T. S. DENISON, 



Author of ^^ Odds vjitli the Enemy,^' ^'' Initiatiuff a Grander" " Wanted, a Cor- 
respondent" ^' A Fami/y Strike,'' "Set// Greenback" ''Hans Von Smash,"" 
" Borrowin<y Trouble,''^ " Two Ghosts in White" " The PuU-Back," 
"Country Justice," "The Assessor,' "The Sparklins^ Cup," 
" LoHva the Pauper," "Our Country," " The Irish Linen 
Peddler," "Is the Editor in ?" "The School- 
Ma'am.'^ Etc. 



Ti jy'o.J.3. 



CHICAGO: ^ - 

T. s. DEHsrisonsr. 

Copyright, 1879, by T. S. Denieon. 







?5l534 



CHARACTERS. 



ISA Ks 



Sam Gross, a darky field-hand. 

Joe Cope, a darky coachman. 

Ezra Slocum, a Yankee settler. 

HuLDAH Slocum, his wife. 

Benjamin Slocum, Ezra's cousin from Boston. 

Joe Buck, a frontiersman. 



COSTUMES. 



Sam, rough dress of darky laborer ; Joe, better dress ; high collar 
and extravagant tie ; fancy-colored handkerchief. Ezra and his 
wife, country dress. Ben, stylish business suit and cane. Joe 
Buck, first appearance, cow-hide boots, with pants tucked into 
boot tops; blouse, sombrero, rough flannel shirt, heavy mus- 
tache, revolver and bowie knife in belt. Second appearance, 
dressed as Indian brave. If full Indian costume cannot be 
obtained, a few feathers, beads, and a little paint will assist suffi- 
ciently as a disguise. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

M means right as the actor faces the audience; L left; G 
center. 

SYNOPSIS. 



Scene I. Sam Gross and Joe Cope, two darkies, seek their 
fortunes in Kansas. Joe has very high notions of life. They 
have unique quarters. Joe finds a peep-hole, and tries his 
fascinating powers on the colored servant girl. Ezra Slocum 
tries the same experiment with a different and astonishing result. 

Scene II. The darkies discuss Kansas life, and boast what 
they would do in case of attack by the Cheyennes. Ezra and 
Joe Buck devise a little scheme to test the bravery of the immi- 
grants. Joe's remarkable experience with the big mule. 

Scene III. Appearance of Ben Slocum, a manof "culchaw," 
from Bosting. Ben is robbed. The Indian attack. A half hour's 
terror. Sudden disappearance of Ben and Joe Cope. 

3 



THE KANSAS IMMIGKANTS. 



SCENE I. 



Scene I. A shanty in Kansas, divided into two rooms hy a quilt 
hung up to serve as a partition. If convenient the quilt may be 
hung at the backof (he stage, allowing room enough for a person, 
to pass between it and the wall; or, a sort of apartment may easily 
be set off to the R. by setting tip a light frame-work of wooden 
strips, and tacking muslin, or tico bed-quilts on it. Joe Cope 
and Sam Gross discovered. 

Joe. We've done got to Kansas at last, Sam ; dis yere is de land 
'o freedom. 

Sum. Dat's about de fac', Joe. Dah's no more hoein' de cotton 
in de brilin' sun down in Louisian'. A man can work in dese 
vigoratin' breezes all day, an sit in de shade fob an houah at de 
noonin'. 

Joe. Sam, you's fohgittin' youhself. Don't talk to me 'bout 
de cotton pickin'. You know I don't undehstan' de labor sub- 
jee'. I was coachman in one of de fust families. You needn't 
talk cotton to me. Say, Sam, 'bout what time of yeah does de 
notton pickin' set in? 

Sam. Yah! ha! ha! Joe you's playin' data little too fine. 
'Spose you wouldn't know a cotton plant from a cabbage plant. 
(Gon-fidentially.) Say, Joe, don'tyou mention 'boutbein' coachman 
in one of de fust families. It might injure youah expectations. 
Dey ham't got no fust families heah. Dey's all common folks. 
Dey might like powful well to have youah sarvices, but you see 
. mebbe dey couldn't 'ford it. (Pokes Joe in the ribs.) 

Joe. You've done touched a painful subjec', Sam Gross, an' 
dah'll be a coolness in dis committee if you don't stop. I didn't 
come to Kansas to mind de grasshoppers 'way from de millin 
patches, I kin tell you. I'm gwine to handle de reins like a gen- 
tleman. 

Sam. Yah! ha! ha! It'll be de reiub of a mule team haulin' 
gravel on de railroad, I'll bet. 

Jiie. Sam Gross, you pains me. I always knowed you was 
kind 'o low in youh tastes, but I never 'spected dis yere. We'd 
better part 'foh it's too 

3 



4 THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS. 

Sam. Joe Cope, you's an idget. You don't know a sap-sucker 
from a turtle-dove. You need somebody to take care of you. 
What's de use of talkin 'bout bein' a coachman when dah's not a 
kahidge dis side of nowhah? 

Joe. An' what's de use of talkin' of sittin' in de shade at noon, 
when dah isn't a tree short of de Rocky Mountains. I's gwiue to 
drive a four-horse mule team, jist to show folks what I kin do. 
It's better'n hoein' taters. I ain't gwine to work like a nigger. 
I could do dat without coniiu' to Kansas. {Sings " Old Shady.'''' 
While Joe sings, Sam takes out a dilapidated note-book and a 
stuhby pencil, and coinmencestoxoritewithinuch labor and frequent 
erasures. Joe finishes his song.) 
Joe. What you doin', Sam? 
Sam. Writin' home to de folks. 
Joe. What did you say to 'em ? 

Sa?n. {Heads.) I's done said — "Dear wife an' de pickauninies, 
an' brother Joe, an' aunt Kate, an' uncle Pete" — 
Joe. Stop! Dat ain't right. 
Sam. But I's not done readin' ! 

Joe. No difference! dah's too many individjals named in dat 
ar pistil. 
>9ani. Disyere's a. family letter. 

Joe. 'Xactly so? An' I say de family relations ain't properly 
lain down in dat pistil. 
Sajn. Who's talkin 'bout de pistol? 

Joe. Sam, a letter is a pistil 'mongde upper circles of 'sciety. 
Sam. Dat so? Why, Joe? 

Joe. 'Spose it's cause if de charges is 'tended to dey always go 
off. Dat letter ought to begin dis way: " Darlin' wife." You 
see de Darlin^ shows de 'fection of dc pussen writin' de pistil, 
au' de wife shows de proper pussen to get de pistil, de recipicant 
of de lavished 'fection. 

Siint. But de balance of de crowd'Il be mad if I don't say 
nuffin' 'bout 'em. 

Joe. Dat's done dis way. You confehs all youah regards onto 
youh wife, and she confehs dem onto de balance of de lot. 
Sam, {Puzzled.) How's dat done, Joe? 
Joe. Oh, you jist say you do it. Dai's all. 
Sam. Whah did you pick up sich a pow'ful edication, Joe. 
Joe. 'Spose you think it's worth sumtin' arter all to belong to 
de fust families! You see, I learned to read a little by missis' 
help, antl den I used to read massa's letters dat he left 'round 
loose. Dat's de source of my 'pistolary knowledge. What else 
did you say in dat letter? 

Sam. I says, we've done got work. Mine is plain work in de 

corn-tield. Joe is gwine into de ornamental line, an' 'spects to 

drive a mule team. De boss's name is Slocum, an' we've done 

took lodgin' with him. 

Joe. 'Partments is a better word, Sam. Lodgin's ain't genteel. 

Sam. {Erases ahd rewrites.) Then I'll s&y Apartments. "De 



THE KA.NSAS IMMIGRANTS. 5 

'partments ain't quite so large as dey used to be in de old man- 
sion on de plantation. Our 'partments are kept awaj' from de 
boss's by a binl quilt." 

Joe. '(Suddenly.) Stop right at de bed-quilt, Sam, till I tell 
you somethin'. Dis mornin' as I was sittin' reflectin' on de 
future, I heerd Dinah, de cook, in de other end of dis mansion, 
rattlin' de stove lids. I stepped to dat quilt, an' peeked through 
a little hole. She was holdin' a skillet in her hands. Ijist 
whistled kind o' easy, an' she dropped dat skillet quick as you'd 
drop de hoe when de dinner horn toots. I says, "Come heah, 
honey," an' you couldn't guess what she did. 

Sam. Screamed ? 

Joe. No, sah! (Lnuglis) 

Sam. Hit you wid de tongs? 

Joe. No, sail! {Lowering his voice.) She came straight to dat 
hole in de quilt. 

Sam. y a ! ha ! ha ! 'Spose you larned dat trick mong de fust 
families too ! 

Joe. Wondeh if she' dah now? I'm gwine to get up a 
big 'quaintance wid dat gal. {Goes to quilt and applies his eye to 
the hole.) Is you dah, honey ? {Enter Ezra Slocum suddenly L.) 

Slocum. What are you doing, Joe? 

Joe. I was lookin'* at de patchwork figger in dat quilt. Dat's 
a mighty tine quilt, Mr. Slocum. 

Slocum. Yes, my wife pieced that when she was a girl. It's 
time to get to work, boys. Sam, you may finish hoeing the 
sweet potatoes. Joe, you may try driving the mule team. Do 
you think you can manage four mules? 

Joe. Yis, sah ! I've done handled de lines an' de whip all my 
life mong de first families. 

Slocum. Very well ! You may harness them, and I'll be out 
pretty soon to tell you what to do. Keep an eye on that biggest 
one. He's a little — well, a little nervous, that's all. {Exeunt Sam 
and Joe L.) These darky immigrants are a queer lot. They 
are willing to try anything, and haven't the slightest hesitation in 
assuming any responsibility wiiatever. I guess Joe will learn a 
few things in Kansas that he never knew among the first families. 
{Enter Mrs. Slocum.) 

Mrs. S. Ezra, you've got to turn those niggers out of the house., 
I won't have them here a day longer. 

Slocum. What's the matter now? 

M}'s. S. They're not fit to be around. Joe Cope was peeping 
through that quilt this morning. Let them stay in their own end 
of the house. 

Slocum. Are n't you mistaken, Huldah? Perhaps he was only 
looking at tlie patchwork. 

Mrs.S. Patchwork, indeed! If that was all he was doing 
■why did he say, "Is you dah, honey?" I heard that. 

Slocum. Well, that does seem a little singular. But he must 
have been soliloquizing. I hardly think he meant you, Huldah. 



6 THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS. 

Mrs. 8. Meant me! Ezra Slocum, you're a goose. Of course 
he dida't mean me. He meant the cook. I shan't allow it. You 
may let them find board elsewhere. 

Slocum. I can't ask them to do that. I've agreed to board 
them, and I need all hands to tend the crops. 

Mrs. S. Then make 'em behave. I'll scald him if I catch 
him at it again. 

Slocum. Why, Huldah, I'm surprised at you. That would 
make him feel very badly I know. Now listen, Huldah, if you 
must do something, I'll tell you what to do. You remember that 
old garden syringe that you used to use in Illinois for sqfuirling 
lime water on the plants. 

Mrs. S. Yes, I understand. It's sticking back of the stove 
now. I'll fill it and squirt his eyes full of water. 

Slocum. Capital idea. Put it in readiness at once. {E,ut Mrs. 
S. past the quilt It into the other part of the house. S. peeps through 
the quilt.) My wife is a general, and no mistake. She's filling 
that old syringe, (A pause.) No; there's no water in the pail. 
She's gone to the well for some. I'll play a joke on her. I'll go 
out at the side door and come in again. She'll hear me. I'll 
imitate Joe's voice before she has time to fill the syringe. Won't 
she sputter when she finds she is n't ready. I'll slam the door to 
attract her attention. {Ooes out R, and at once re-enters with 
noise.) (Softly.) There she is. (A pause.) Hang it, she has her 
back toward me. I can't see what slio is going to do. Good, the 
syringe is on the shelf. Now for it ! (Speaks imitating Joe.) " Is 
you dah, honey ?" I declare if she hasn't forgot that the old thing 
is empty. (Repents, '''■ Is you dah, honey f' Mrs. Slocum squirts 
his eye full of water and cries out, '■'■Take that you sneaking scamp.'''') 
By jingo, if she didn't fill it before she went to the pump. (Wip- 
ing his face.) Age hasn't impaired its power, I see. That's too 
good for her to discover. I'll get out of here, I think. (Exits 
hastily. Curtain.) 



Scene II. Same as before. Sam and Joe discovered. 

Joe. Golly, Sam ! Dat was de liveliest mule team I ever seed. 

Sam. Joe, dah's one thing 'bout a mule team dat most folks 
don't know. 

Joe. What's dat, Sam Gross ? 

Sam. A mule team always looks de best when some other 
feller's drivin' it. 

Joe. Dat's so, Sam, Neveh thought 'o dat. Mistah Slocum 
says dat big mule is nervous. He must have dat nervousness 
pow'ful bad. Dis mornin' when I went to harness dat mule, I 
jist took de harness off' de peg and tossed em onto dat mule's back 
so, (Imitates motion,) an' hollered "Whoa dah!" 'Spose de lightin' 
must 'a struck de stable 'bout dat time, case de fust thing I 
kaowed de stable roof was sailing 'round like a turkey buzzard. 



THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS. 7 

an' de harness wasn't nowhah, an' dat mule was standin' onto his 
nose with his hind legs pointin' toward de norf star. 

Sam. Dat mule belongs to de fust families don't he, Joe ? Ya ! 
ha! ha! 

Joe. If he does he don't show no kind of manners towards 
iudividjals dat sociated with de fust families. Thinks I, he's sick 
an' needs a little coaxin', so I jist went up to him an' patted him 
onto de back and' says, Don't be skeered, Billy. 

8am. Was he skeered, Joe V 

Joe. Jist then an earthquake came along; half of it hit me, 
an' de other half hit de stable. When I begun to reflect on de 
situation, 1 was sitliu' out on de parairie dodgin' de ruins of de 
stable as dey' come down. Mistah Slocum came along an' went 
into de place whah de stable was with a long pole. Would you 
blieve it, Sam ; in ten minutes he fotched out de four mules all 
harnessed up, an' lookin' as innocent as school bo3's jist leavin' 
an apple orchard. He said I might hoe taters with you, Sam. 
He guessed drivin' fouh horse mule team wasn't 'zactly like 
drivin' coach fob de fust families. 

Sam. Ya! ha! ha! Joe, you's got to drop dat style an' get 
down to de level of common folks. Say, Joe, did you hear de 
news ? 

Joe. What's dat? 

Sa7n. De grasshoppers is comin'. Dey's on de tater wines 
now. 

Joe. (Sings). "A grasshopper settin' on a sweet potater wine." 
(Repeats this line several times.) 

Sam. Why don't you finish de poetry ? 

Joe. 'Case dah hain't nuffin knocked him off de wine yet. 

Sam. Joe, dese grasshoppers is big as de frogs in Louisian'. 
An' sich appetites. Dey'll eat anything, from a clothes pin to a 
sassige chopper. Dey's got the most ambitious appetite you ever 
seed. 

Joe. Dah's one thing on dis yerc plantation dey better let 
alone. 

Sa7n. What's dat ? De mule team ? 

Joe. Jist so, Sam, if dat big mule gits nervous somethin's 
bound to happen. 

Sam. De grasshoppers is bad enough. De^^'ll eat us out o' 
house an' home jist when we's gettin' a start in the worl', but 
grasshoppers ain't de worst circumstance. De " Shy-Anns" is 
'round. 

Joe. De "Shy-Anns!" Dat animal is a kinder cross twixt de 
pole-cat and de porcupine isn't it ? Dey's pow'ful hard on chick- 
ens. I read onct 'bout dat animal. 

Sam. Sho ! Wha's youh education now ! De " Shy-Anns " is 
Injuns. 

Joe. (Alarmed.) Golly, Sam, is de Injuns 'round? Whah's 
de rewolvah ? (Steps to Ji and gets revolver from valise.) Sam, youh 



8 THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS. 

langwige is very uneclicated. You ought to said, Lo, de pooh In- 
juu is 'round. 

Sam. He's gittin' on his war-hoops anyway, an' grindiu' up 
his scalpiu'-hawli. 

Joe. An' his tommy-knife! (Laughs.) Sam, you 'ah too 
ignorant to be a funny nigger. I's asliamed 'o youli ignorance. 
De warwhoop is n't part of de dress. It's what de noble red man 
hollers when he ieels like cuttin' somebody's throat. (Flour/. shes 
Ms pistol.) Jist let de "Shy-Anns,'' as you call 'em, sound de 
warwhoop soon as dey feel like it. 'Spect dey'll find somebody 
in Kansas 'bout as sharp as deirselves. 

Sam. Tell you what it is, Joe, better be keerful 'bout goiu' 
down de walley arter de cows. 

Joe. (Flourishes 2)istol.) I don't fear de " Shy-Anns." (Enter 
Slocum L.) 

Slocum. Why, Joe, you look warlike! I see you are ready for 
Cheyennes. 

Joe. I's willing to be a sacrifice if necessary. 

Slocum. I admire your courage, Joe. I'd be sorry to hear of 
any sacrifice. Let me look at your revolver. 

Joe. (Handing him the pistol.) Be keerful of her, Mistah 
Slocum. 

Slocum. Oil, certainly. (Looks at pistol. Aside.) Very dan- 
gerous! Old fashioned charge and no caps. Use caution, Joe, 
she might go ofl". 

Joe. I's an expert in de pistol line. 

Slocum. Joe, it's time to bring up the cows. Remember that's 
your job. 

Joe. Yis sah ! Sam, come go 'long. 

Sam. Yah! ha! ha! You's thinkin' of de "Shy-Anns." 

Joe. Pshaw, Sam, youh company's so delightful I can't de- 
prive myself of de pleasure of it. Come now! (F.vcuiit L.) 

Slocum. Joe's conceit don't seem to be diminished much by 
his adventure with the big mule. (Enter Mrs. S., II past edge of 
quilt.) 

Mrs. S. Ezra, what are we going to do with j-our cousin Ben 
when he comes? The darkies occujiy this room, and he will like 
a little more privacy. He's never been outside Boston in liis life. 

Slocum. If he comes out here to rusticate and rough it for a 
spell, I suppose he wi;l l)e willing to take things as they come. 

Mrs. S. But he can't sleep on the floor. That's expecting too 
much of one bred in the city. You must go to town and buy a 
bedstead. We've needed it anyway. 

Slocum. All right, Huldah, if you say so. 

Mrs. 8. Oh ! I put that little plan of yours into practice this 
morning. 

Slocum. (Feigning surprise.) Did you? How did it work ! 

Mrs. S. First-rate. You should have seen it. 

Slocum. (Aside.) I should if it had been possible to open my 
eyes. 



THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS. 9 

Mrs. S You had hardly left the room when Joe came in and 
went to that hole in tlie quilt. He looked in and said sol'lly, 
^' Is you dah, honey?" I waited till he said it again, and then I 
filled his eye with dishwater. He left in a hurray. 

Slociim. I'll bet he did! (Aside.) Ugh! what a fool I was 
(E.cit Mrs. Slocum E.) 

Slocum. Well, between this monkey Joe and my very vigilant 
spouse, I've been made a pretty tool of. I'll get even somehow. 
{Enter Joe Buck.) 

Joe B. How d'ye do, Slocum ? 

Slocum. How d'ye do. Buck? How's herding up the valley? 

Joe B. Same old thing. No more change in that than there 
is in a schoolmaster's pocket. Have you heard of the Injuns? 

Slocum. I heard this afternoon tliat the Cheyenues were on 
the warpath. Is it true ? 

Joe B. It is. They killed a man over on Deer Creek day be- 
fore yesterday. 

Slocum. Don't you think they'll pass to the west of us? 

Joe B. I think so. But we can't watch the plaguey rascals too 
close. Can you depend on these niggers you have ? 

Slocum. Don't know! They have only one old navy revolver 
between them. I believe one of them would fight. I think the 
other one would be a capital man on a retreat. I've a plan by 
which we can test their valor. We'll have some fun. 

Joe B. What is it? 

Slocum. You come up here after dark this evening dressed up 
like an Indian. I'll meet you outside to tell you wiien we're 
ready. I'll have the darkies believe it's Indians, and we'll soon 
see wliat they will do 

Joe B. But they may shoot a fellow. 

Slocum. No danger at all. I saw their revolver to-day. It was 
loaded with powder and ball, and had no caps on. I'll look at it 
again just before you come, and see that they haven't put on caps. 

Joe B. Agreed! I'll do it. I'll come out in such style as will 
straighten out the wool on their heads, or I'm no sinner. {Exeunt 
L. Curtain.) 



Scene III. Same as before. Enter L Ben Slocum with a valise 
loliich he 2)laces on a chair. 

Ben. (Always speaks with afectation and strained propriety.) 
So I'm in bleeding Kansas, eh ! This is the place wheh the elily 
settlehs bled for theih homes. (Looks round the house.) Truly 
now, I think they hadn't a great deal to bleed for. Cousin Ezrah 
told me to come right in when I got heh without anycehemony. 
Truly, I think there is not much room for cehemony heh. I am 
dreadfully afraid that Ezrah Slocum is not a man of culchaw, 
such as his fatheh who used to live in Boston was, (PTOHo^/Hce 
the -first very short,) of course one can't expect much culchaw 



10 THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS. 

and refinement on the great plains. So I think on the whole I 
will just take Ezrah's advice and lay aside all fohmality for a. 
good time. It'svewy unfortunate that these naughty Cheyennes 
should be so vewy unwuly just when so mucli is expected of the 
noble red man, and when the eyes of the world are on him. I 
wonder where Ezrah and his wife are ? I'll walk out and take a 
look oveh the pwayey. I must get ray revolvah ready. I may 
meet a buflalo. {Takes revolver from his valine.) If I do, we'll 
have buffalo steaks for suppeh regulah Indian style. VeAvy awk- 
wahd these deuced revolvahs ah, till you get used to them. I 
usually shut my eyes when they go otf. If they should burst 
that would keep the pieces out of one's eyes, you see. (Levels the 
pistol awkwardly with both hands and shuts both eyes.) One must 
have a pistol though. He may meet a buffalo or wild robbeh, 
or a noble red man at any time. {Puts pistol in his j)ocket osten- 
tatiously.) Now I'm ready for a bloody encounter. {Exit L. 
Enter Bam R.) 

Bam. {Sees valise.) Golly, what's dis yere ? Dat rascal Joe 
always said he was goin' to have his baggages sent on de next 
boat. 'Spect dat nigger wasn't lyin' arter all. He's done fooled 
me shuah. I'll jist see what kind 'o clothes dey weahs in de fust 
families. {Opens the valise and takes out a dress coat.) Golly, 
dat ain't bacl ! {Holding up the coat.) Dat niggah's gwine to 
enter into de bounds of matrimony! Nothin' short of it. I 
understan' now all dat peeking through de quilt an' sayin', " Is 
you dah, honey ?" Joe's come heah purpose to marry dat gal. 
{Holds up vest.) Dis is a stunner! I'll jist try it on. {Takes off' 
7iis own coat and vest, and puts on Bell's vest.) As ole massa used 
to say, dat's de "sign quinine of perfection." Dat Joe's comin'; 
he mustn't see dis yere inwasion of his property. He'll make 
more noise than an ole hen dat lays one egg a week. {Puts coat 
hastily into the valise. Buttons up his own coat.) I'll jist watch de 
preceedin's from de kitchen'. {Passes through R. Enter Joe L.) 

Joe. {Sees valise.) What's de game now. {Opens valise.) Bran 
new store clothes! Sam's been deceivin' me. Can't trust de 
lower classes nohow. A case of abused confidence! I'll know 
whah to borrow a coat I 'spect. {Puts on the coat.) Dat's gayf 
It looks putty smart, I 'spect. {Sings.) 

" I feel jist as happy as a big sunflower, 
Dat nods an' bends in de breezes, 
An' my heart is as light as de wind dat blows 
De leaves from off" de treeses." 

{Waltzes round. Enter L.Ben.) 

Ben. Good gracious alive! If here isn't a desperate wuffanwob- 
bin the house. Appwopwiated my best coat to his own vulgah use 
too. 

Joe. Don't be skeered, boss. 

Ben. Villain of villains, you shall suff'eh dearly for this 
{Draws revolver nervously, and points it at Joa.) 

Joe. {Hopping round frantically.) Oh, lordy T mercy ! help E 



THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS. It 

murder! Sam ! Dinah ! Mistah Slocum ! Come quick, or it '11 be 
too late. Don't shoot ! 

Ben. {Nerwusly backing away.) Don't come near me, des- 
perate man! I'll blow you into chocolate caramels. Take off that 
coat till I blow your skin full of holes. I don't want to spoil 
the coat. 

Joe. {Frantically.) If dat's de game, I won't take it off. {Ben 
gets the pistol at half cock, and can't get it off.) Lordy! don't 
shoot, massa. I's not ready to die. I cheated a man out 'o 
twenty-five cents down in Mississip'. I'll do anything! {Ap- 
proaches Ben.) 

Ben. { Frightened.) Don't threaten me ! I will shoot ! You 
will have it! There! {Shuts eyes, and pulls trigger. Joe sud- 
denly ducks.) 

Joe. {Rising.) Sam! Dey's killin' me! Murder! help! {En- 
ter Sam excitedly.) De pistol, Sam ; get de pistol. I's dyiu'. Sam 
hastily unbuttons his coat to get at his pistol. Ben sees the vest. 

Ben. Another of the burglars ! My vest on, too. You want 
my life, too, I suppose. Come on, I'll meet a dozen of you. 
iSam cocks his pistol after some eff'ort. They maneuver and get 
Joe between them.) 

Joe. Lordy ! mercy ! Sam, dat won't do. Git from behind me. 
If you kills me, de Governor of de State will hang you both lor 
murder. {Sam snaps his jnstol.) O oh, I's a dead man! I'.s a 
wictim of de consequences! {Ben shuts his eyes, and pulls (rig- 
ger, Joe jumps aside.) Blaze away! Dat's de man! {Pointing 
at Sam. Enter Joe Buck L., attired as an Indian warrior, hatchet^ 
revolver, and butcher-knife inJiis belt. Gun.) 

Buck. {Steps with slow and dignified movement to the C.) Ugh I 
White man heap gun, no shoot. 

Joe, Runforyouah lives! It's de "Shy-Anns." Sam run, 
dat big iujun '11 scalp j'our head off. 

Ben. It's no use to contend against such odds! {Throws down 
pistol. Ben and Joe rusli toward door L., and escape. Sam falls 
over the valise. Buck catches him, and holds him on the floor.) 

Sam. Dis chile never did de injun any harm. 

Buck. {In severe tone.) My name " Thunderand Lightning," 
big chief. Me on war-path after scalps. 

Sam. Niggah's scalp worth nothin'. Catch dat white man. 

Buck. White man got long legs. Thunder and Lightning got 
short legs. 

Sam. Let me off dis yer time, anyway ! I's got a wife an' 
little pickanninies ! 

Buck. Squaw no good to black man. Pickanninies no good 
to anybody. Chief got nineteen scalps. Want twenty. {Sam 
suddenly flops Buck over and jumping up jerks the hatchet from 
his belt. 

Sam. {Picks tip Ben's pistol and brandishes hatchet.) Want 
twenty scalps, eh? Don't you come nigh me with dat scalpin- 
knife, or I'll chop your head ofi, and then blow your red brains out. 



12 THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS. 

Buck. {Aside.) Red braias! Not a bad joke. I'll have to let 
up on him a little. (Aloud.) Guess I'll let you off this time. 

Sam. {Trying to cock the pistol.) Guess I won't let you 
off. I'll jist finish you at once, so you needn't be sneakin' 'round 
any more scalpin' 'spectable folks. {Enter Slocum and Mrs. 8. L.) 

Slocum. Why, what's the matter, Sam ? 

Sam. I's done cotched a " Shy-Ann," Mistah Slocum. 

Slocum. Sam, you must be mistaken. 

Sam. No, sir-ee ! He says he's Thunder an' Lightnin'. Fact 
is, I kind o' thought he was for a spell. 

Slocum. This is a mistake, Sam. That man is only a herds- 
man dressed up like an Indian. He only wanted to "show you 
what an Indian looks like. 

Sam. Is dat so '? Well, I forgive you, boss. But let me give 
you a little bit o' advice. It ain't safe to fool 'round men that 
have pistols. 

Buck. That's so, Sam. I shan't try it again with you. 

Slocum.. Where's Joe, Sam ? 

Sam. Yah! ha! h;i! Always thought dat niggah was no 
'count. He jist cleared out, an' left me to fight de whole battle. 

Mrs. S. Served him right. Wliere did he go? 

Sam. Can't tell. (Sinr/s.) 

" He saw de smoke way up de ribbah, 
Whah de 'Shy- Ann' lodges stau'. 
He took his hat so pretty sort o' sudden, 
He's bound for Louisian'." 

Mrs. S. Why, Ezra, here's cousin Ben's valise. Where is he? 

Slocum. Sam, have you seen a stranger here this evening? 
(Sam suddenly buttons uj) his coat to conceal vest.) What are you 
doing. Whose vest is that? 

Sam. Don't know. 

Slocum. Where did you get it? 

Sam. In dat valise. 

Mrs. S. How dare you open cousin Ben's valise ? 

Sam. Thought it was Joe's. 

Slocum. That won't do. Where is the stranger who left that 
valise here. 

Sam. 'Spect he left 'bout de same time Joe did. Jist as dat 
" Shy -Ann" come. 

Buck. Slocum, he didn't wait for an introduction. 

Slocum. Buck, your little ruse was a success, but we mustn't 
let Ben know it. He'd never forgive us. Sam, saddle a pony, 
and hunt them up. 

Sam. I's afraid dey's got too much start. 

Mrs. S. It's too bad. Don't delay a moment, Sam. 

Slocum. I'msorry for Ben. I'm afraid he won't like Kansas. 

Sam. Dat's so, if he has to fight de grasshoppers an' de Shy- 
anns, or drive a fouh-horse mule team. 

CURTAIN. 



THE ASSESSOR. 

A humorouB sketch illustratius tlie difflciilties of an aseepsor in listing 
tlie property of a shrewd old farmer. Pull of unexpected developments; 3 
male and 3 female. Time, 15 m. 

BORROWING TROUBLE, 

A ludicrous farce; 3 male and 4 female. Time, 30m. Illustrates the very 
amusing trials of a borrowing family. 

" Borrowing Trouble fully sustained the excellent reputation gained by its 
author. It brought down the" house."— ilfadwow (Wia'.) Democrat. 
COUNTRY JUSTICE. 
A very amusing country law suit; 8 male characters. (May admit 14). Time. 
15 minutes. Contains a very remarkable verdict. 

LOUVA, THE PAUPER. 
A drama in five acts; 9 male and 4 female characters. Time, 1 hour 45 m. 
Contains a good Yankee character and a humorous darky character. This is 
an inteus<!ly interesting and pathetic play. It admits of striking scenic el- 
fects, and is a strong and popular play for amateurs. 

Act I., Louva's tyrants. Act II., freedom promised and denied. Act III., 
the trial. Act IV., (light. Act V., pursuit; death in the mountains; retribu- 
tiuQ. 

" Send sample copy of a play that is as cood as Louva the Pauper. That 
took splendidly here."— G. J. Railshnch, Minier, III., Dramatic (Hub. 

" Peleg Pucker, the Yankee peddler, is inimitable."— Pmc^icai! Teacher, 
Chicago, 111. 

THE PULL-BACK. 
A laughable farce: 6 female. Time, 20 m. Contains an excellent old- 
fashioned " old lady" character. Pictures her adventures among the devotees 
of fashion. 

HAyS VON SMASH. 
A roaring farce in a prologue and one act; 3 male and 4 female. Time, 
30 m. Contains an excellent humorous Dutch character. This is a very pop- 
ular farce. Country life. 

" Hans brought down the house."— i>e Fore Vleck, Beej) River, Iowa. 

ON THE BRINK, 

Or, The Reclaimed Husband, 

A temperance drama in two acts, by H. Elliott McBride; 12 male and 3 

female. Time, 1 hour, 45 m. Seven of the characters have unimportant 

parts, and some of the parts are so arranged that the same person may play 

two parts. Contains three humorous Yankee characters. 

" We rendered On the Brink a number of times very successfully to 
crowded houses."— Z>ramatic Club, Cordova, Minn. 

A PARLOR ENTERTAINMENT. 
A sketch, by H. Elliott McBride; 2 male and 5 female. Time, 25 m. A 
iirst rate piece for boys and girls in school exhibitions. Very amusing. 
OUR COUNTRY, 
A patriotic drama in three parts. Requires 9 male, 3 female. (Admits 9 
male, 15 female.) Four line tableaux. Time, about 1 hour. Based on Colon- 
ial and Kevolutionary history of U. S. The narration is lively enough to make 
it take well. It contains some striking situations. 
A BAD JOB, 
A highly ludicrous farce, by H. Elliott McBride; 3 male, 2 female. Time, 
30 m. 

Whftt Have we to do vith Plymonth Rock? 
A colloquy adapted to the use of Illinois schools, and of general interest 
to New England immigrants in the central Western States. By J. H. Blod- 
gett. May be used by fiom ten to twenty pupils. Time, 40 m. Interesting 
and instructive in the history of Illinois. 

AN ONLY DAUGHTER. 
A drama in three acts; 4 male, 8 female. Time, 1 hour, 15m. An intense- 
ly interesting story of petted indulgence, error, suft'ering, wrong, retaliation 
and i-epentMUce. flumor to make it take. No dialect. A society play to 
suit the most fastidious. Beady Nov. 15, 1879. 



Tin: SI nooT, ma'am. 

A ln'ilUnnl. comoilx in lour nets: fi male. 5 female. Tinu', 1 hour, 15 in. 
Tliis play is not a incrc tis>iii> ol' iiiiiigiualive iiU'iMontfi. Then; is scarcely an 
itx'ideiil iu il. I>ii(. Ila^ li-id iN i'.(>uiilcr|»ai(; in IIk; workiuirs of our public 
Kclioois. It coiitMiiH a '.'nod iuii)i( Irish characier. nil American •' .Mis. 
(.ani|i,'a '' ^eif-uiade man" iiMior Jolif. ami 1 he Ivpical American "School 
Mn'ani." anxious to succeed, lnil l>cser m ilh diliiculiies. Kvcry teacher, evvry 
director, (^\-n-\ citizen. Hliuuld rend it as nluuiU. vvheihcr yon wisli it as a ploy 
or not, 

IHF. IRISH LINEN J'EDIiLEIt. 

A lively farc.i;; ;j Millie, :< female. Time. 45 m. 'I'hi' action is lively, llie 
iiicidenlHiinexpecled and liidicioit*. I'at «»'|»oyie.. the peddler, i?; n coinltina 
lion iv( wil, drollery, ciinning and impudence. 

TUK K.iNS.lS inMfOHANIS; nv, Ihe (Irent MSsroilns. 

A roariii;! I'Hrce; r. niale, 1 IVmiali-. 'I'ime, :U) m. Contains two darky 
chuMcters. KxcriiliiiiiiiKly I'omical. t^annot fail to lie a popular farce. 

IS THK sriilTOR TN/ 

A farce ; Imale and :i fe.niale.- 'J'iiiie. 2() in, .Scene, a country newHpaper 
ofliee, \ I'rv amuFiii','. 

A nmn I.AH FIX. 
A farce, liy J. Madltoin Morion: n mii'e.l female. 'Ftlne, 35m. Wry po[Kilar. 

my TVHN NK\r. 

A capilal farce, liy T .) . VV'illiumH; 4 mule, afemale. Time. .|5 in. IIIum 
trntcH the dillicnllieH an apotlii'cary encountered iliront'li inarrving in haste. 

A KISS IN TIIK ItARK. 

A farce, l>y J. I'.. I'.iickstone; :\ male, ^ female. Time, 10 m. \ highly 
sncceesfiil liirce 

TJIK I'l'.RSKiVir.lt Itl HUMAN. 
A fane, hy S. IJarry ; <> male, ;} feuiale. Time, lU m. Good. 

hlBI BRICK JtOr {raddf/ Mileft.) 
A fuire, hy Jamcw I'ilgrlni; 5 male, il female. T'ime, 40 m. A tij)-top 
fairi-. 

VM NOT MKSILF AT AT.L. 
A taire. hy r. A. Mallhy; :; male. ',' tema)<!. 'J'ime, US in. Very funny. 

A JiOVNIt KUAiMK 

Of pliiyM, conlaininu the fni<t ti'n play.s in this ca).'ilot;ue, suhstantially and 
handsomely hound in min-lin, irilt slamp. Will he sont, poi^tpnid. for$1.3."i. 

riUIH l AFTERNOON SKRIXS. 

A colleclion ot orif^inal, lively dialogues snitnhle for hovH and 'j:lrlH in 
Hchool e.ntertfiiiiiuents. Someof the dia)ot;iiefs eoiijain hoth male and female 
chararteix: some are for hovs ulonc; Hoinc for girls alone. All are ii/inrt. 
Price, '.ir> cents. 

SinOOl, INIt FARLOR TAKLJUAJN, 

by Sara \i. .Storking. A dioice collection of ori^jinal tahleanv for wchoiil, 
<'liiirch, and pnrlor enlerlainmenlf". 'JMiey enihrace'a. wide ran;.'e of siibjecls, 
from the classical to the c(imi(;. 'I"lie. historical tnhleaux admit Iho use of 
beaiitiliil (iml limes, and cannot fail to please. Full in,«1ruc.ti(ins glvrn as to 
co*«tume. The, cimiic tableau ■; are himple unri easily prepared. Piice, a.'i els. 

iS< RAP-JiOOK RFH-ITATTON SFRIES, NO. 1, 

KyH. W. Soper, IVofessor of Klociition. A choice colleclion ui' fresh lead- 
iniu'p. patlie.tic, dramnfic and hiimorouH. The editor ha!< taken e.,sivciaT pains 
to make a collection ehietly of choice /irw iiicrr.it, which cannot easily he 
found elsewliere. TJio editor's extended exporienee in tenchin;.' elocution has 
admir.ahly qualified him for discriminal.ini; as to what is really adapted to 
elocutionary purposes. AVhih' special care h«P beon taken to "find netv and 
/■are pieccH, iiothins^ has been admitted which dots not contain real merit. 
licwly Nov. 15, 187ft. I'rici', 25 eenls. 

T. S. DENISON, Chicago. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



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